I really enjoy exploring the depths of my own mind, sometimes maybe even too much. In short, I believe that as a human race we’re only truly aware of a fraction of our own reality. We live in a single, physical realm of existence where so much of what we believe is proven by fact, evidenced by scientific findings: images, data, research as proof. We don’t like to question our reality because that would mean questioning the foundation in which our entire lives are built around. Questioning is scary, it elicits doubt. Knowing feels safe. But where’s the fun in that?
I spend my time thinking about my soul mostly, but also past lives, the beginning of this planet, spirit guides and soul groups, the collective consciousness, black holes and aliens, disembodiment, psychic abilities, other realms and dimensions, energy and magick, just to name a few. What all these things have in common is that they aren’t backed by evidence. They are taboo and not a lot of people are talking about it. But these thoughts are all encompassing and I only wish I had the capacity to learn and discover everything that this existence has to offer. I read a lot of books and I try to absorb all the information I can, but at a certain point, I think real answers won’t be found externally. The effort is in going inward. Consciousness is the key to unlocking personal insight, potentially even the mysteries of the universe. This work has been challenging. It’s time consuming, and it doesn’t always necessarily render rewards, except when it does. And that’s when you stop questioning and start knowing.
I’ve really only been meditating consistently for about seven months, although I have gone through numerous attempts at setting up a consistent practice: start small, do it at the same time everyday, 5 minutes to begin, simply sit and listen to your breath. Thoughts come up, try to let them pass, but it never worked. It wasn’t until I had something to meditate on, some purpose. It all started during a time when I was going through therapy; a lot of old shit was coming up leaving me feeling so deeply depressed and overwhelmingly lonely. I started meditating to connect with my deeper sense of Self. For me and my sense of spirituality, that also meant my spirit guides, whose personification was and still is helpful in feeling less alone. They provided me with the sense that I am surrounded by others who love me deeply, the sort of love that is only available in the realm of pure consciousness. So that was my portal in. I needed connection.
From that point on, I was able to develop something consistent. Something so powerful that I started easily sitting with myself for 45 minutes, and time flew by. On days where I skipped, I noticed the difference. I never dreaded it in the beginning. I’ve never had to force myself. I started meditating for a purpose, and when that purpose was fulfilled, it only expanded. It stopped becoming about trying to sense my guides around me. Now I just trust their presence and ask them to guide me deeper. I’ve gotten to know them, which is really just saying I’ve gotten to know myself. And I fucking love them so much.
That was the missing piece in my meditation practice: an intention. The practice has evolved since I first started. Sometimes I’ll sit with no intention at all and see what comes up, but in the beginning, all I needed was a reason to go inward. It was that simple. Looking back, I was lucky to truly find this practice when I was struggling. It became a comfort out of necessity. My meditation practice reflected all the external self work that I was trudging through: creating insight from awareness. Eventually the practice became meshed into the fabric of my life, where without it, I start to feel lost and stagnant.
The point here is that a mediation practice doesn’t have to be daunting. It doesn’t have to be mystical if you don’t want it to be. It can simply be a technique to combat the struggles of living an embodied life on planet earth. Then, if you’re into it, you can go deeper. What I found was that the mind has a lot to give as long as you’re willing to be patient. It awakened my curiosity in a way that had me questioning everything. My overarching belief is reflected in the vastness of this universe; I’ve not even scratched the surface of understanding, I’ve only found it -- so why doubt anything. I tend to grow restless often and I bore easily, so for me, my meditation and spiritual practices induce excitement and awe. It’s an opportunity to explore the implicit world around us. Our mind is the way in. So that’s why I meditate: connection, contemplation and exploration; a tool to inject a little magic into the mundane.